


How Long Will I Love You

by beautifulmadness13



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Future Fic, Please Don't Hate Me, Posie Babies, This Is Sad, divorce sucks, i really need to start writing happier fics, i'm sorry in advance, oh god so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22320592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulmadness13/pseuds/beautifulmadness13
Summary: “I've had enough Jo.”Tears of her own began to fall but she was quick to wipe them away, taking another step backwards onto the porch and away from the woman in front of her.“Pen.”Josie tried to reach out for her again but Penelope recoiled inwards on herself making it very clear that she did not want to feel her wife's touch.“No Josie I'm serious, we're done.”
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Penelope Park, Josie Saltzman & Lizzie Saltzman, Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 17
Kudos: 119





	How Long Will I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> so I wrote this yesterday and um yeah it's pretty sad but at least I didn't kill anyone this time. I blame julie for not giving me back penelope, I feel like I can't write happy posie cuz I'm just depressed that they're not actually together so this is what we get instead :(
> 
> ps: this fic was inspired by my friend kelly so go harass her on twitter if you're upset :)
> 
> I'd say enjoy but I'm not sure that you will...

“Penelope wait!”

Josie reached out to grip the wrist of the woman currently attempting to leave through their front door. She'd barely managed to catch up to her in time, Penelope already having been halfway onto the porch with her suitcase in hand. It didn't matter how many times Josie cried, begged, screamed at her not to go, the witch had just ignored her while she quickly packed a few of her things for the extended overnight trip she planned on taking to Hope's house.

She only stilled when she felt Josie's skin on her own. The soft warmth of the brunette's hands was calling to her, reminding her of simpler times when she would've given anything to be held by them. Even now she struggled not to lean into the siphoner out of habit and she had to force herself to rip her wrist away as if the touch had burned her.

  
  


“No Josie I can't do this with you anymore!”

The words came out like a hiss and the venom seeping through her tone was enough to make Josie take a small step back. Penelope's green eyes that at one time had shone bright with love and adoration for the younger woman now glistened with unshed tears as she struggled to hide her pain.

“This constant arguing back and forth it's exhausting! And for what? Some failed attempt at trying to fix something that's so obviously beyond broken?”

  
  


Josie's cheeks were soaked from the floods of salty water that had been pouring from her eyes for the last hour. She choked back a sob as Penelope ran her hand through her short wavy hair in a frantic attempt to calm herself down.

As angry and hurt as she was with Josie she still couldn't stand seeing the brunette cry and watching her breakdown in front of her right now without being able to offer her any kind of comfort was tearing Penelope apart. If only Josie had shown this kind of emotion in the last few months of their relationship then maybe...

“I've had enough Jo.”

Tears of her own began to fall but she was quick to wipe them away, taking another step backwards onto the porch and away from the woman in front of her.

  
  


“Pen.”

Josie tried to reach out for her again but Penelope recoiled inwards on herself making it very clear that she did not want to feel her wife's touch.

  
  


“No Josie I'm serious, we're done.”

  
  


Her words carried a finality to them and as if Josie's heart wasn't already shattered she could feel it breaking now even more. She turned away from the woman she'd loved since she was fifteen and looked at the portrait of their family hanging on the wall by their coat closet. It was taken two years ago and showed a beautiful happy couple holding their two young daughters in their arms as they smiled at each other lovingly. That had been their life up until recently, where had it all gone wrong?

“And what about the girls?”

  
  


Penelope scoffed knowing that this was just another attempt to guilt her into staying. And a few days ago it may have worked but now the witch was too far gone to even consider giving in and going back into the house.

“I'm done with you Josie, not them.”

Of course she would never abandon their children, Josie knew that. Penelope was an amazing mother and it didn't matter how much disdain she may have for her wife, her love for those girls would never fade.

  
  


A car pulled up to the curb in front of their house then, it was Hope. Penelope had texted her when their fight had first started and asked if she could come and pick her up so she wouldn't have to search for her own car keys (which she'd misplaced for the hundredth time).

  
  


Josie could feel anger beginning to rise as she looked at Hope's car then back at Penelope who was shifting anxiously and looking about ready to make a run for her best friend.

Leaving was Penelope's thing, it's how she had always tried to solve her problems ever since they were teenagers. She broke up with Josie when she found out about the merge without so much as an explanation, then had ran away again a year later when her mother got transferred to Belgium and now after ten years together and six years of marriage she was leaving her for the third and seemingly final time.

“So that's it then, you're just gonna walk away.”

  
  


That got Penelope's attention and she fixed Josie with a pointed glare so icy it could have frozen even the warmest of hearts.

“Don't do that, don't fucking act like I haven't tried everything to fix this.”

She gestured at the two of them, emphasizing her point while also accentuating the distance that had grown between them. It was only a few feet physically but emotionally they might as well have been on separate planets.

“The only reason we've lasted this long is because I didn't want to hurt the kids but I can't keep tearing myself down and breaking my own heart just to keep you happy. Josie I just- I can't do it anymore.”

  
  


Her voice breaks on the last sentence and the sound leaves Josie desperate to do something, anything to lessen her wife's grief.

“Please Penelope I can change, I can be better.”

She's begging again but she doesn't care because right now Penelope is giving her the most heartbroken look she thinks she's ever seen on another person's face and it makes Josie feel physically sick to know that she's at least partially responsible for it being there.

  
  


“That's just it JoJo, you can't.”

Penelope's voice is quieter now, softer and more tears have fallen faster than she could wipe them away so she stopped trying. She can see Hope sitting in the driver’s seat waiting patiently for her to finish whatever this is that she's doing with Josie and she's grateful that the redhead hasn't tried to intervene. All of this needs to be said tonight because Penelope's not sure if she'll have the strength to say it again tomorrow.

“This isn't the first time we've been through this but it needs to be the last. For my sake and for yours.”

They stare at each other for a moment, the silence like a weighted blanket on top of them as they allow Penelope's words to settle. And it dawns on Josie for the first time that this really is it for them. Her marriage, her family, her life, has just imploded right in front of her eyes and there is absolutely nothing that she can do to change any of it.

Penelope breaks eye contact first, forcing a sad watery smile then turns taking the final step completely out of their house and out of Josie's life.

“Pen I lo-”

“No, no you don't.”

The witch doesn't even turn to look at her as she cuts off Josie's words knowing exactly what she was going to say and not at all wanting to hear it. She was already broken enough without being reminded even further of what they had lost.

Her grip on her suitcase tightened and she stared straight ahead into the dark night and away from the girl of her dreams who stood behind her sniffling. All of this taking place while their babies were peacefully asleep upstairs unaware of the utter misery taking hold over their mothers and the complete demolition of what they had once called a family.

“Maybe you did once, but not anymore.”  
  


~~~~~~

“Mama push us higher!”

“Higher mama higher!”

Excited squeals and loud giggles filled the air surrounding the two little girls being pushed on the swing-set by their mother. Penelope couldn't help laughing along with her daughters as she obeyed their requests to go higher, their happiness infectious and exactly what she needed.

Three months.

That's how long it had been since the night she'd stood on the front porch of their house with Josie begging her not leave. Three months of sleepless nights and heartbroken sobs. Three months of feeling nothing but a devastating emptiness every time she so much as thought of her ex-wife and three months since they had started rotating weeks between their children.

She'd known when she left that this was the kind of situation that they would find themselves in. There was no way Penelope was going to just walk away from her kids and she would never try to get full custody of them either. Regardless of their differences, Josie deserved to be their daughters' mother just as much as she did. So they had reached an agreement within the first few days, even though it had been painfully hard, and decided to split their time 50/50.

  
  


“Mama I'm done. Can I get down now?”

Penelope smiled as green eyes stared back into her own and she gently pulled both girls swings to a stop knowing that if one wanted to get down then the other would too. That's just how her girls worked, always completely in sync with each other ever since they were babies and now at four years old not much had changed.

  
  


Sophie jumped down first then took her sister’s hand into her own tugging Clara in the direction of the slides. She pointed her little finger to the highest part of the jungle gym that they always climbed on top of to keep a lookout for whichever mother was coming to pick them up that week.

“Come on Clawa, if we go fast then we'll be able to see mommy when she gets here.”

  
  


Penelope winced slightly at her eldest daughter's inability to pronounce her “R's”. They had been working on it with her for as long as Sophie had been talking, and she'd been talking for a long time now, a trait Penelope thought she had inherited from her aunt Lizzie. But she just hadn't quite grasped that letter yet. The mispronunciation was cute though with its babyish charm.

Clara nodded her head in agreement, blond pigtails bouncing with the movement before the two of them started making their way to their self-appointed post to keep watch for Josie.

Penelope considered herself to be one of the luckiest women in the world to get to call the twins her babies. They were perfect in every sense of the word and for all of the heartache that her relationship with Josie had caused her, two things that made the pain worth it were those beautiful little faces.

It was crazy how quickly they seemed to be growing, she couldn't believe that they would be starting kindergarten this year when it seemed like just yesterday she was too scared to leave them alone in their cribs just in case something happened to them in their sleep and she and Josie didn't hear.

  
  


“ _You're paranoid you know that?”_

_Penelope rolled her eyes at her wife's words but couldn't hide the amazement on her face as she stared down at what had to be the most perfect sight anyone had ever seen._

_She knew that they could easily sleep in their own nursery but it was just more comforting having the babies close by. Yes, it made sleeping for her more difficult because she was terrified that either her or Josie might roll over and crush one of them but Penelope would stay awake for the rest of her life if it meant that she would always be lying next to her family._

“ _Yeah yeah, whatever JoJo you know you would rather have them in bed with us too.”_

_The brunette didn't respond because the witch was right, she did want the twins to sleep with them tonight. In fact if she could have it her way they would stay in hers and Penelope's bed every night and judging from how her wife was gawking at the newborns she would probably let it happen._

_Josie let her hand run gently over Clara's head and through her barely-there blond curls. She had to bite her cheek to keep from squealing when the baby let out a small yawn and her heart just about melted._

“ _It's crazy how different they already look don't you think?”_

_Penelope hummed in response too busy playing with Sophie's tiny fingers to fully acknowledge what Josie had just said._

“ _Sophie looks exactly like you. There's no way anyone could ever mistake her for not being ours.”_

_That earned a small smile from the ravenette as she took in the features of the baby closest to her. Sophie had been born ten minutes before her sister, with a head full of thick jet black hair and the chubbiest cheeks either woman had ever seen. Her eyes, though unusual for a newborn, were already forest green and her complexion was just a few shades lighter than Penelope's but would probably darken with age. She was gorgeous already just like the witch and Josie absolutely adored having a miniature copy of her wife._

_Penelope tore her eyes away from her eldest to look over at the slightly smaller baby curled into the brunette's chest and her heart which had already seemed impossibly full somehow managed to expand even more. She leaned over carefully, aware of the small body that she was hovering above, and pressed a soft kiss to her other daughter's forehead then to her wife's lips._

“ _Well I guess that must make Clara Lizzie's baby then right?”_

  
  


_Josie let out a snort at Penelope's joke causing the witch to pull back with a chuckle as her wife shook her head._

“ _Don't say that in front of my sister or she might take you seriously and try to steal our daughter.”_

_She reprimanded Penelope lightly, giving her a pointed look while trying to hide her grin._

_Jokes aside Clara really did look quite a bit like the other Saltzman twin with her blond curls and slightly more angular features. But when she was awake and her eyes opened then there was no denying who her mother really was. Large chocolate brown eyes took up a good portion of the baby's face and they had a glint to them that Penelope knew all too well from seeing it in the eyes of the love of her life._

_Yes, both girls were definitely theirs and it was as incredible as it was surreal._

_Josie reached over the babies to intertwine her fingers with Penelope's and they let their hands rest gently between the lives that they had created together, a physical manifestation of the love they had for each other._

“ _I love you, I love you so much.”_

_They shared a cheesy grin both slightly delirious from lack of sleep but quite honestly the happiest they had ever been._

_Penelope squeezed Josie's hand and brought their fingers up to her lips, brushing a kiss over the brunette's skin._

“ _I love you too JoJo.”_

  
  
  


“Mommy!”

“Mommy's here!”

Penelope shook herself out of her daze and looked to where her daughters were practically climbing over each other to get down the slide in a rush to get to Josie first.

She shook her head and chuckled to herself at their antiques before remembering that it was her job to be the tough parent now that Josie wasn't with her.

“Girls be careful! Sophie let your sister go down first!”

Her voice was gentle but firm and that's all it took for the pre-schoolers to slow down and get off the playground equipment without killing themselves. As soon as their feet hit the grass they took off at a sprint to the entrance of the park where Josie had just appeared from the parking lot.

Penelope's breath caught in her throat watching as her babies excitedly jumped into their mother's arms smiling and talking way too fast for any human to understand. But Josie just took it all in, her smile just as wide as theirs as she knelt to the ground so she could hug them both.

  
  


This never got easier. Having to not only give up her children for a week but also seeing Josie for only fifteen minutes at a time after spending more than a decade by each other’s sides. These pickup/dropoffs only served to make Penelope painfully aware of the longing she still felt for the beautiful brunette standing in front of her. Every night after it was her turn to hand the kids over, she would go home to Hope's house, where she'd been living since she'd left, and cry into her best friend’s chest while the tribrid held her close and tried to comfort the heartbroken woman.

  
  


“ _Penelope you know you're more than welcome to stay with me as long as you'd like but I have to ask, if you're this miserable without her then are you sure you made the right decision?”_

_They had been lying in Hope's bed since Penelope had given Sophie and Clara back to Josie hours earlier. Seeing the brunette and losing her daughters, even if only for a week, had been enough to start a downpour of tears that she hadn't been able to stop since she'd walked through Hope's front door._

_Hope had been her rock through all of this, her best friend was nothing but completely supportive of every choice Penelope made, as she'd been throughout their entire friendship. It was rare for the redhead to question the witch, she only did it when she really wasn't sure if Penelope was doing the right thing._

  
  


_Penelope pulled herself away from Hope's shoulder which had become soaked with her tears that just kept falling. She stared into blue eyes that held nothing but love and worry for her and sighed running a hand through her hair._

“ _I- I honestly don't know anymore Hope. For so long I thought that maybe if I just stayed, if I just waited patiently for her to realize, then eventually we would be able to work through it and everything would go back to how it used to be. I tried, I swear I did but I just- I mean how long was I supposed to wait? Forever? It was killing me slowly and I know it was hurting Josie just as badly.”_

  
  


_Hope nodded trying to understand the other woman's words. She rubbed a hand up and down Penelope's back soothingly as she sorted through her thoughts._

“ _So you think that this is better?”_

_Penelope looked at her incredulously, hurt clear in her features and Hope quickly pulled her in closer, hugging her to try and sway any negative emotion that she may have just caused._

“ _I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean Pen.”_

_Her voice came out muffled as she spoke into Penelope's hair, pressing gentle kisses to the top of her head._

“ _I just hate seeing you in this much pain and I can't help but wonder if maybe there isn't some part of you that still might love her?”_

  
  


_Penelope let out a sad hollow laugh and the sound was almost enough to scare Hope. It was empty and devastating and it's then that the Mikaelson realized just how broken the woman in her arms truly was._

“ _Of course I still love her, she's Josie.”_

  
  


_And Hope doesn't need any further elaboration because she knows what Penelope means. It had been obvious since they were kids that the two women were practically made for each other. If Hope believed in soulmates, and she's not sure that she does, but if she did then she would say that Penelope and Josie fit the very definition. Everyone knew that they were going to end up together, married and happy. They'd break all the statistics that said teen couples can't survive into adulthood. They were perfect and beautiful and so completely in love, or at least that's what everyone had thought._

_It had come as a shock when the pair announced their separation. Hope had known that they were having issues but she'd just assumed like they all had that they would work it out, they would be fine. Clearly though that wasn't going to be the case._

  
  


“ _The problem was never about me not loving her.”_

_Her tone was so grief-stricken it sent a jolt through Hope's own heart and she wished that there was more she could do to ease Penelope's pain. But there wasn't so she just held the woman tighter._

“ _The problem was that she stopped loving me.”_

~~~~~~

“Hi my babies, I've missed you both so much!”

Josie peppered kisses over both twin’s faces and laughed when their noses scrunched up in response. Every time she got to see her daughters after a week without them she felt completely overjoyed. They were the lights of her life and being with them always brought her up to cloud nine until she remembered that picking them up meant also having to see Penelope and that hurt more than she could put into words. But she did it and always managed to keep a brave face at least until she got back home then she would make a beeline for the bathroom just to cry for a few minutes.

It was horrible and she hated the arrangement they had created. Having her kids for only a few days at a time and never getting to see the woman she loves, it wasn't fair. But she didn't want to fight Penelope anymore especially when she was quite certain that it wouldn't change anything anyway. All Josie wanted now more than anything was to have her family back but it seemed like there was little to no possibility of that ever happening. She'd lost everything the night Penelope left and even three months later she was still just barely managing to keep it together.

  
  


_When Lizzie pulled open her front door just after 1AM on a Tuesday, still half asleep and ready to scream at whoever had woken her up, the last thing she expected to see was her sister, red-eyed with tear tracks running down her cheeks and looking utterly devastated._

“ _She left.”_

_Lizzie quickly pulled Josie inside the house closing and locking the door behind them then lead the brunette over to the couch to sit down. She had no idea what was happening but she could feel the anguish rolling off of her twin in waves and guessed that this would be a conversation better to have seated. Josie kept her eyes trained on the floor, her shoulders sagged with an overwhelming amount of invisible weight and it was killing Lizzie to not know what had caused this. She rubbed gentle circles on her sister's back watching as the usually well-put-together woman seemed to lose herself in a world of her own thoughts._

“ _Josie what's going on?”_

_Lizzie spoke softly trying not to upset her sister any more than she clearly already was and Josie shrugged still not making eye contact._

“ _Penelope she just- she left me.”_

  
  


_A beat passed and it took everything in Lizzie not to scream out in shock at her sister's words. Her hand stilled in the center of the brunette's back, Penelope left, Penelope left? That didn't make any sense, no she must have misunderstood. She didn't want to believe it but then why else would Josie be here in the middle of the night instead of at home with her own family, with her wife._

“ _B-but why?”_

“ _We've been having problems for a while now. I just thought- I never thought she'd...”_

_Josie's voice tapers off at the end but she doesn't need to finish because Lizzie already knows what she was going to say. Suddenly it occurs to the blond that something or rather two things are missing in this situation and a mixture of fear and anger floods her mind._

“ _Josie where are the girls?”_

_Her tone comes out a bit more demanding than she had intended but she needs to know the answer now. Because it's one thing for Penelope to have walked out but if she tried to take her nieces too then so help her God Lizzie was going to track that green-eyed demon down and-_

  
  


“ _I dropped them off with mom and dad on my way over, I didn't want them to see me like this.”_

_Lizzie calmed almost instantly, relieved that she wasn't going to have to go on a murderous rampage to retrieve the toddlers even though she definitely would have._

“ _I don't know what to say to them. How do I explain that their mother left and it's all my fault.”_

_And then Josie's crying again, tears falling from her face on to her lap and Lizzie reacts quickly, folding herself around the brunette and holding her as close as humanly possible._

“ _Josie stop it's-”_

  
  


“ _No, yea Liz it really is.”_

_Her words are muffled by the cotton of Lizzie's shirt as she speaks into her sister's chest but the blond can still hear the pain dripping off of each syllable that leaves her sister's mouth._

“ _I should've fought harder for her. I should've, I don't know, listened when she told me that she wasn't happy. Maybe if I had just paid a little more attention instead of just assuming that she would always be there.”_

  
  


“ _Oh Jo, I'm so sorry.”_

_And she truly is. It becomes almost impossible for Lizzie not to breakdown and start crying along with her twin but she needs to be strong even if she feels like Josie's grief is quickly becoming her own._

  
  


“ _You know what the worst part of all of this is?”_

_Josie pulls back and Lizzie shakes her head out of habit even though she knows her sister is asking a rhetorical question. Brown eyes shimmer with all of the tears she still had yet to let go and the siphoner takes a short breath before continuing._

  
  


“ _When she left I tried to tell her that I loved her but she didn't believe me. Lizzie my own wife doesn't believe that I love her anymore. How could I have let it get this bad?”_

_Lizzie feels dampness on her cheeks and she realizes that she hasn't been able to hold it together as well as she would have liked. She wipes her tears away furiously and grips onto both of Josie's shoulders forcing the broken woman to look her in the eye._

“ _No Josie it's going to be okay, you guys will be okay.”_

_Because they had to be, they were Penelope and Josie for crying out loud. This was the girl who had been so obsessed with her sister while they were in high school that she'd basically promised to unleash the wrath of Satan on Lizzie if she didn't help Josie to gain some independence. The same girl who her sister had literally set on fire because of how jealous she was about seeing her with anyone else. The girl who had tried to leave all of them behind and move her dumb ass all the way to freaking Belgium before coming back a year later and confessing her undying love for Josie yet again._

_They were Penelope and Josie, a couple so sweet together it gave Lizzie a stomachache just to think about them. But they were meant to be together, it was obvious and so annoying and even she couldn't deny it._

“ _As crazy as she drives me this is Penelope we're talking about, she was made for you Jo, you have to know that.”_

_Josie groans dropping her head in defeat and Lizzie's hands fall back to her side._

“ _I do oh God I do. Lizzie I don't know how I'm supposed to live without her, I feel like I can't breathe like when she left she took all the air with her. I just want her back I would give anything.”_

_Frustration fills Lizzie and surprisingly it's actually directed towards the girl across from her because she doesn't understand why her sister is just sitting here sobbing on her couch when it's clear that she still loves and wants to be with the woman who has caused all of these tears tonight. She should be chasing Penelope through the streets and holding on until the witch realizes her mistake in leaving and comes back home._

“ _So then go and get her!”_

_Lizzie snaps and as soon as the words pass through her lips she's worried they may have been a bit too harsh for her sister's fragile state. But then Josie does something that sends a shiver down her spine. And maybe her words are the last thing she should be worried about because the brunette's eyes are now completely empty, her face has gone slack and for a brief moment Lizzie thinks that this must be what it looks like when your soul dies._

  
“ _No you don't understand, I want her but she doesn't want me”_

~~~~~~

“Me and Clawa colored a picture for you but it's in our bag so I'll show you when we get home. I got to pick my own clothes and tied my shoes all by myself today and Mommy guess what! Mama and auntie Hope let us have pizza for dinner and breakfast!”

Josie smiles at Sophie's eagerness to tell her about all the things she had missed over the past few days, her daughter not missing a beat while she talks. It's funny, even though she looks basically identical to Penelope her loud dramatic personality really does remind Josie more of Lizzie.

“Oh wow, dinner and breakfast huh?”

She looks at both girls feigning shock and they giggle at her reaction.

“Yea well you know you were always more of the chef.”

The voice behind her is so painfully familiar and yet still manages to startle her when she hears it. It's become quite rare for Penelope to say more than two words at a time to her so getting a full sentence is kind of impressive.

Josie turns to look at the raven-haired woman and feels the world stop spinning for just a second. Maybe it's because of how little she's seen of her lately but she thinks Penelope has somehow managed to become even more beautiful than she was the week before. Exhausted, but beautiful. She can see the bags under her green eyes telling Josie that she hasn't been sleeping well, if at all, and the brunette's pretty sure she has an identical pair of her own. After 10 years of going to bed together, suddenly trying to adjust to being alone was next to impossible for both women, not that they would tell that to each other.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You look good.”

“Thanks, you too.”

It's awkward and tense, they can both feel it. It's crazy how something as simple as just knowing how to talk to each other has become a foreign concept. They don't know what to say, or rather they don't know how to say what they want to say so it's just easier to say nothing at all.

They stare at each other for a moment just taking in the fact that these few minutes they spend once a week swapping children is all the time they have together now. They've drifted so far away from what they used to be it's almost difficult to remember what it was like before any of this happened. How they let it get to this point, they have no idea which is part of what makes rationalizing their current situation so difficult.

A tug on the bottom of her shirt has Penelope looking down to where Clara has her arms outstretched to be held. Their poor daughters, sometimes it was easy to forget that they weren't the only ones struggling with the separation. Sophie and Clara were probably two of the most laid back children in the world, it was rare for either of them to get upset. But this had been hard, so hard for them and neither Penelope or Josie really knew how to handle it.

Clara laid her head on Penelope's shoulder, her little arms wrapped around her neck as she played with the ends of Penelope's hair.

“Mama I want you to tuck me in tonight.”

She'd always been the clingier one of the twins and if Penelope had to choose she'd say that Clara was probably taking all of this the worst. Since the witch had left the blond pre-schooler had taken to crawling into bed with her every night they stayed with her. Penelope wasn't complaining but it made saying goodbye so much harder.

“Baby you know that you're staying with Mommy this week. I can't tuck you in tonight because I won't be there but I promise when I see you again on Saturday we can cuddle for as long as you want.”

She speaks softly kissing Clara's forehead and swaying a bit like she used to do when she was a baby. The last thing Penelope wants right now is for her daughter to start crying because she doesn't think she'd be able to hold back her own tears if she did.

Clara's arms tighten around Penelope's neck and she lets out a small whimper that shatters the green-eyed woman's heart.

“Can I sleep in bed with you then?”

Penelope has to close her eyes for a moment and clench her teeth so she can keep her composure. When she's certain that she's not going to break she holds the small body in her arms just a little closer and sighs.

“Yea baby you can sleep with me then.”

  
  


Josie watches the entire scene play out in front of her and can feel her own tears building. She hates that this is what they've come to and that their babies are hurting because of them. The girls deserve better, they deserve both of their mothers all the time not just for a few minutes once a week.

“Pen I mean if she wants you tonight you could always just come over.”

The brunette holds out hope that maybe Penelope will agree and they'll be able to leave right now together instead of separately. If she could just get Penelope to sit with her for a few hours then maybe they could talk about all of this and figure out a better solution because _anything_ had to be better than this.

But then Penelope shakes her head and Josie knows that right now is as close as they might ever be again.

“This is the way things are now, they'll just have to get used to it. We all have to.”

  
  


Josie nods like she understands but inside she can feel her strength crumbling. She has to get home soon or she's going to start crying right here in front of the woman her heart feels like it needs in order to keep beating in the same way her lungs need air to breathe.

“Ok then, let's go girls, aunt Lizzie is waiting for us at the house and she brought cookies.”

That gets an excited squeal from Sophie who takes Josie's hand and starts pulling her towards the parking lot. Even Clara seems to perk up a bit, smiling in Penelope's arms. Both girls are eager to go and stuff their cheeks with cookies knowing that their aunt will let them have more even after their mother says no.

They all walk over to Josie's car and Penelope straps the kids into their carseats, placing kisses on both of their cheeks.

Clara holds on to her a little longer and it takes Penelope promising lots of hugs and a giant bowl of ice-cream next week for her to finally let go. If she had to pick the biggest regret she has as a result of leaving it would definitely be the pain that she knows her daughters are going through because of her.

“Bye mama I'll miss you, see you in 7 sleeps.”

Sophie places her hands on either side of Penelope's face as she speaks then gives her a giant wet kiss, grinning when she settles back into her seat.

“I'll miss you too Soph, I'll see you in 7 sleeps sweetheart.”

Penelope has to take another deep breath before stepping out of the car and closing the door. Josie had stood off to the side waiting patiently for them to finish their goodbyes and Penelope offers her a small smile before handing her a bag with a few of the girls things.

They stand in silence staring at each other, both desperate to confess the truth, their love, their heartache, but neither certain that the other feels the same way. Each one thinking that the other has moved on when in reality all they both want is their family back, their wife back. If only they would just say it...

“I'll see you Saturday.”

“Goodbye, Josie.”

And that's it, that's all they can manage to say because fear is a cruel bitch and no one wants to be rejected by the person they love so instead they suffer in silence crying for someone who they don't realize is crying for them too.

  
  


“Mama wait! Catch!”

Both women turn to the car where the twins had rolled down their windows and were now blowing kisses at Penelope. She laughs pretending to catch a few before blowing some back and watching amusedly as her girls try to catch them all even with their limited reach because of being buckled in their carseats.

An older man walking past with his dog pauses to stand next to Josie who hasn't been able to look away from the raven-haired woman since she'd started laughing. It has been so long since she's heard Penelope make that sound around her and she'd be damned if she didn't try to memorize it now.

“You have a beautiful family.”

If it weren't for the animal nearly stepping on her foot Josie probably wouldn't even have noticed that they were there, too caught up in watching her wife, or ex-wife interact with their kids. She tears her eyes away from the site in front of her to look at the smiling man and blinks trying to think of a response. Then she's hit with a sudden severe wave of longing for what she’s lost and all she can muster is a tight-lipped smile and nod. This seems sufficient for the man though and he slowly starts to move on, his dog pacing happily beside him.

Another fit of giggles erupts from her car and she looks up in time to see Penelope blow a final kiss towards the girls and give them a small wave before turning to walk to her own car.

_Yea._

Josie thinks silently to herself as she watches the woman she loves more than life itself walk away from her again.

_I did._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> DON'T KILL ME PLEASE I'M SAD TOO OKAY :'(  
> if anyone has any requests for posie one-shots that they would like to see then hit me up, I'd love to try writing something happier if I can
> 
> don't forget to kudos/comment  
> twitter: @pxnelopepark


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